Emerson and I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving with your family and friends!
Believing In The Unbelievables: From Aspiring Writer to Published Author
I’ve been offline a lot the past week. I wish I could say I was at that relaxing spot above. Nope.
I’ve been proofing my audiobook. It took about 16 hours to do it. The audiobook is only 11 hours long, but I have to listen to it and be reading the book line by line at the same time to make sure no sentences were missed or words changed. That the narrator used the right voice for the dialogue (used her Kai voice when Kai is speaking), that there were no weird background noises and such.
Anytime I noticed anything, I rewound and gave a second listen to make sure. Then I jotted down the chapter, the time stamp, and what the possible issue was.
I sent my list to my narrator/producer on Friday. She will take a listen and make corrections. Right now there’s something weird going on with the tracks and they are open to me and locked for her so I have to get help from ACX on that today.
Hoping to have that for sale in late November/early December on Amazon from Audible.com.
I’ve also been very busy keeping up my 1500 words/5 days a week schedule on Six Train’s sequel. I’m at 75,000 words right now. I should have a bad rough draft completed by the end of next week.
Then I need to take a couple weeks to go over the whole manuscript and make sure it flows decently.
I should have that done in mid-December.
Then I’m going to switch off to another project for a couple months and let that breathe so I can come back and tear it apart during revision in March.
I’m starting a part time job November 18th. It’s two nights a week teaching adults. My classes are English and Keyboarding.
Having one book isn’t enough to live on and I still don’t have my rights back on the other book. I’m trying the traditional route with DM, so that’s probably a while for anything to happen too.
I am going to be curtailing time online while I adjust to the new job. I’ll be here on my blog and on Facebook, but I will probably fall behind in my blog reading for a few weeks.
The day after I start the new job, I am leaving for Miami. I’m going to be in Miami Thursday afternoon. Meeting up with a college friend for dinner and doing the Readers’ Favorite cocktail events on Thursday and Friday night.
I’ll be at the Miami Book Fair on Friday and Saturday and the Readers’ Favorite International Book Awards Ceremony on Saturday to get my medal!
What the First Week Feels Like
Sometimes everything falls apart. In a way that all your accomplishments disappear. Like it never even happened.
When my agent quit the business in January, I thought that was the worst thing I’d face this year.
I was wrong.
I got an email from the subrights agent. Harlequin was shutting down the imprint that was going to publish my YA gothic mystery, The Girl Who Ignored Ghosts. They won’t be publishing my book.
The contract we spent 10 months negotiating. The editorial revisions I worked so hard on. None of it mattered. It was all for nothing.
The book won’t be published.
I wait for a termination letter. I wait to find out what happens next with my agency. I wait to find out what I can do with this book. This book I’ve never given up on. Not in the eight years it took me to revise it and shop it and get it an agent and a publisher.
Uncertainty. It’s all uncertainty. What comes next. And do I want a next?
Why work so hard when it can all be gone in the blink of an eye? Why do this?
Today, I don’t know.
I’ve been trying to make sense of it. But it doesn’t make sense. None of this makes any sense to me.
Today, I hurt. And I don’t have the energy to pretending everything is fine. It’s really not. And I don’t know when it will be again.
All I can do is keep working on my indie career. That’s the only thing I have that I can hold onto.
What Week Two Feels Like
Okay, this wallowing is sucking me in too deeply.
I tried staying busy. Too busy to think about what this meant. Then curling up in bed for a day.
Next I kicked the standing bag so much it moved too close to Mom’s keyboard.
I can’t seem to get it out. The anger. The frustration. The sadness. The hopelessness. And the longer I think about it, the worse it feels.
Perspective. I need perspective. It’s my interpretation of things that is making me spiral. Reassess. Reassess.
Let’s think of the last two years as an experiment. An attempt at traditional publishing. A way to dip my toe in that pool. And a trial run of indie publishing.
So far the only bad thing about indie is people’s reaction to it. Everything else has been hard work, but it’s all mine. The awards, the reviews, the sales. They can’t disappear on me.
I’m good at being in charge. I like being the captain of my soul.
The most rewarding and stable part of my career has been the indie track.
Traditional publishing didn’t work out. I’ve learned to trust warning signs and gut feelings. Trust them more than you trust anyone or anything.
I still have DM. Right now I’m making that jump through the traditional hoops. See what happens.
And there are more books in me.
Something will find traction in the traditional world. Maybe it won’t be soon. Maybe it won’t be the next book or the next book.
But I can still build a career. I can keep writing. I can keep working on my craft. I can bring novels to market myself.
This isn’t over. I’m not over.
It’s just another crater in the road.
I haven’t looked at photos of me and my old travel buddy in a few years. Ever since we parted ways actually.
It was too hard to remember all those good times. To see how close we were and be reminded that it was over.
So I didn’t.
I left the photos on my iPad and computer but never flipped through them.
Distance always makes things better.
And it did.
Until this weekend when my iPad memory got full and I needed to erase photos to make space for a software update.
Then I tiptoed down memory lane. Revisited Thailand and Shanghai. All these memories flooded back.
Life was different 3 years ago…
It was a time when I thought we’d be friends for life. I never expected it to only last 4 years. But that’s what happened.
It’s all over now.
Photos are so powerful. They summon a moment back into reality.
And it hurt to go there and realize that it’s over. And it can never be again.
That I’m not the same and he’s not the same and we had these amazing moments that can never happen again.
I think sometimes it’s better to not have mementos. To let things slip gently into boxes in the basement of your mind.
For a moment, I thought I should delete all my photos. Wipe them out of existence. Make the forgetting come faster.
But then I saw this gorgeous shot of the ocean. And I was right back there on the beach.
And I found myself smiling. Because those were good moments. Moments I want to hold onto.
Pictures can give you a moment back. They can let you revisit a good time even if it’s long gone.
And I’ll be keeping my photo library. Just not on my iPad.