Let me preface everything with this: Patience is a virtue, dumbassery is an annoyance.

This morning I spent 8 minutes in Dunkin Donuts. There was only 1 old lady in front of me in line.

What was the hold up?

The D&D employee took her time greeting the old lady and making small talk. That accounted for about 3 minutes of the time I wasted. But I’ll be kind and allow for that extra time spent on the elderly.

The rest of the time was due to the complete dumbassery of the D&D employee. I get that we all make mistakes, but nine mistakes with one customer?!

And of course it was me.

Here’s how it went down.

I ordered a medium coffee with cream and 2 Sweet N Low and 1 glazed chocolate donut.

TWO ITEMS.

Problem #1: The D&D employee appears to have never used a cash register before. She hits about 5 buttons and then frowns at the machine. She starts talking to herself about how, “That’s weird,” and “I can’t believe I’m having so much trouble.” I stand for about 3 minutes waiting for her to figure this out.

The total comes to $3.29.

I hand her a five dollar bill.

Problem #2: She slams the cash register without giving me my change. I’m perplexed, but I’m trying to believe she’s not brain dead. So I figure she’ll hand it to me after she prepares my coffee.

Despite several teen employees coming in and out of the back area this 50-something-year-old woman is working the cash register, the coffee and the donuts. None of which does she does successfully.

Problem #3: One person clearly overwhelmed and no one helping.

Problem #4: She goes to get my donut and says chocolate frosted. No! Glazed.

Problem #5: She goes to get my coffee and has to reconfirm cream and two sweet and low. OMFG, please kill me now.

Problem #6: She’s doing everything slowly and still screwing it up.

Problem #7: She puts my coffee and donut on the counter and says, “All Set.” No change given.

Problem #8: I have to ask for my change, which requires her calling a teen from the back area to come open the register. Another two minutes.

She apologizes. I try not to be a bitch. Really I do. I say, “Everyone has a a bad day, I guess.” She replies, “No, everything was fine up to now.”

I’m wondering what her definition of fine is. God only knows what the old lady in front of me got in her coffee.

I walk out to the car, drive to the eyebrow waxing place, and realize I have 30 minutes to kill. So I drink my coffee. After I finish my coffee, I go for my donut.

Problem #9: I reach for my chocolate glazed donut and find two chocolate glazed donuts in the bag. I only paid for one. But that’s her screw up. So I eat both donuts and wonder how that woman survives during the morning rush.