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As I’m wrapping up the trip and heading back to NY and then CT, I thought a reblog might be nice. This is from 2010. Just something I was thinking about lately.
I don’t think I believe in forever.
I think I believe in for now.
Anyway, it seemed to fit my thoughts lately, so I dug this blog post out of my archives. It’s about how we change and dreams change. And somehow it all seems to work.
Since we’re approaching the middle of the year, I thought I would check in on my resolutions. Sadly, the best of intentions has not led to the best of actions.
- Lose 30 lbs and keep it off. —Not much progress here. Lost ten gained ten. Lost 15 gained 15. Pretty much net net of zero.
- Exercise 4-5 days per week. —I have managed to stick to this since February. So go me!
- Follow a low carb eating regimen.–I have my good days. And my bad weeks.
- Edit my YA manuscript and submit to 30 agents.–Edited the YA manuscript and submitted to 15 agents so far.
- Submit my adult manuscript to 50 agents. –Submitting adult manuscript to agents. I’m near the 30 agent mark.
- Finish drafting my third manuscript.–Drafted 51,300 words to date. Should be done drafting in June.
- Edit my third manuscript.–Have to finish it first. This is more of a fall project.
- Spend more time playing with my dog, Emerson.–I’ve been playing with Emerson more. Score!
- Go to Hawaii or Germany.–Doesn’t look likely this year. But I am going to CA which is beachy and warm and has good wine.
So there’s been progress in pretty much all my goals. And the realization that some may not happen this year. Some have been replaced by newer goals.
All in all, I’m content with my progress.
My neck is still acting up so I am dictating my blogs this week. I need to curb my typing for a while, so if I’m not commenting on your blog this week, please know I’m resting my neck.
Every year, I have specific things I do around my birthday. Some happened once and then evolved into my personal traditions.
I take stock in my life. Yeah that’s a heavy one.
This includes thinking of friends and family and evaluating who makes my life better by being in it. I reach out to anyone I lost touch with or haven’t heard from in a while and genuinely want in my life.
The other biggie is looking through old photo albums to remember who I’ve been over the years. That parts of me I lost and miss and the parts that grew in their place. I try to figure out how much of the current me I like and how much of the old me I’d like to bring back. Not that it’s always possible to do so. But it’s good to keep a ledger.
This photo album search also resurrects some wonderful and some sorrow-filling memories. It’s a cathartic thing. In the end, I usually am happy with who I am and who I’ve been and I learn to appreciate myself more.
And lastly, and easiest, I consider what goals I had for that year. Did I meet them? Did I do what I set out to do with that year of my life?
And those are my little birthday traditions.
What do you do to mark another year passing?
That question always feels like a trap. Because no one is ever supportive of your answer. Whatever you say you’re going to do, someone will explain why it’s simply impossible.
So I don’t like answering. I dodge by responding: I don’t know.
And then they repeat the question as if pretending they didn’t hear my first answer will elicit another response. So I repeat myself.
And they act like I’m absurd. For not knowing. For not saying something that makes them feel better.
But I kinda do know. I just didn’t feel like confiding. Sharing. I prefer advice when requested. And I don’t want any at this juncture.
So what am I going to do?
You”ll have to wait and see.
“Maybe you’ll find a nice man this year.”
This is something every single gal hears time and time again. As if our lives are lacking until prince charming comes along. These years before him are a wasteland. Something to endure.
Doesn’t matter if we built a successful career, lived in several big cities, traveled the world, or went for an advanced degree.
Nope that’s all just marking time until Mr. Right comes along. Because we all know a woman is only complete once she has a husband and children.
Are you gagging yet? I am.
Look there are reasons for everything. Choices made.
I prefer being single. I prefer not compromising and answering to no one. I like my life. If I didn’t I’d change it. And maybe I will someday. But right now this works for me.
Everyone pursues what they want in life. Or they should. So if you are married with kids. Congrats–I’m guessing that was something important to you.
But maybe you didn’t get a Masters, live in Manhattan, or get to dance the night away at Coachella. I did. Doesn’t make me better than you. Just means I had different goals/priorities.
So stop lamenting my singleness. Unless you want me to lament your being parental.
And to everyone who worries about me meeting a nice man. I already did six years ago. And we’ve lived together happily ever after.
I was sitting here thinking, what are my dreams for this week. To do well at the conference and to catch an agent’s interest. To meet another writer or five and click so we can have conversations about writing. Of course, this line of thought made me think back to my dreams as a 25-year-old. As a 20-year-old. All the way back to a seven-year-old. I can remember having all these dreams about the future.
Now sitting here, I can tell you most of them didn’t come true. I don’t live in a Newport Mansion with servants (age 8 dream) nor do I live in China (age 20 dream). Does that mean I gave up on my dreams? Or they gave up on me? I don’t think so. I think I changed and my dreams changed accordingly. I grew up and some dreams were outgrown.
But other dreams I saw through and made a reality. Which leaves me wondering why these and not those? Were they harder to achieve? Were they just plain unrealistic (at five I dreamed of being green)? Not sure. But I do know the dreams I realized defined me for a long time. And the dreams that fell by the wayside dropped off my radar pretty fast. So I have to think there was a reason for it. Or I’m really good at letting go of what I can’t have.
How have your dreams changed over the years? Which mean more to you–the ones achieved or the ones left behind?
A few years back, I was working at a brokerage firm and thinking that was it. I’d made the decisions that led me to that point and there was no way out of it. I was stuck. What I didn’t realize then was that I was only stuck because I decided it was so and ignored any evidence to the contrary. Being right was more important than being happy.
Until I started thinking outside the box. I could write in my spare time. I could restructure my free time and reprioritize so that writing became like a second job. A job that didn’t pay, but I still showed up every day. Even if it was only half an hour. I put in my time because I loved writing and I was committed to doing it. I’m not saying it was easy or that there weren’t sacrifices along the way. But that’s what you have to do to achieve your dreams and your goals. You sacrifice other things.
Of course, life has a way of throwing us all curve balls. I’ve taken a few months off from writing for back problems and surgeries over the past few years. But I returned to it.
I know it is hard to find time in the day to juggle everything we do, but it is possible. You prioritize. You decide to dial it in on something else. There are places to cut corners and ways to make your dreams come true. I have to believe that. Otherwise, what is the point of going through the daily grind?