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This week there will be a Thursday post instead of a Friday post because I am participating in August McLaughlin’s amazing Beauty of a Woman BlogFest tour.
Today, I’d like to share some life lessons from a woman who inspires me, who continually teaches me how to be more comfortable in my own skin, who owns who she is and invites others to do the same:
Grandma H.
1) Grandma H knows exactly what she wants and isn’t afraid to demand it.
We went to the drugstore to get Ambesol to help with her toothache. I suggest Orajel, but she overrules me. She tells me she wants the gel, not the cream. I try to recommend a few, but she wants to know about every type of tooth pain reliever there on the shelves.
She grabs one and demands, “What about this one?”
“Um, well it’s for braces pain.”
“Put it back.”
When we get to the check out counter, she tells me, “Get three cents.”
She pulls out a ten dollar bill and checks three time to make sure it’s only a single ten. Then she tells me to check it again.
Finally, we complete the transaction and the saleswoman says, “Have a nice day.”
Grandma H responds, “Whatever.”
2) Grandma H selects a phrase of the day and employs it throughout our adventures.
“Mother of good God.”
3) Grandma H loves being appreciated
As we drive to the mall, I tell her, “All my blog followers love you. They want me to say hi to you from them. They rush to read your posts.”
She replies, “Oh, my public likes me.”
4) Grandma H isn’t ashamed of where she came from
“Is that the pond you swam in as a kid?” I ask.
“We’d come out of the water covered in bloodsuckers.”
“Why’d you keep swimming there?” I ask.
“It was so refreshing and so close to home. You just had to yank them out.”
5) Grandma H doesn’t give up
We have a routine at the mall. We go in and immediately hit the lotto seller. Then we sit on a bench so she can scratch them off. If she wins, we buy more. If she loses, we buy more. Then we make our way to Ihop.
At Ihop, Grandma H and I split a meal. I start to place the order and realize this breakfast doesn’t include pancakes. So I ask her, “Is that okay?”
She says, “I don’t want the god damn pancakes, they’re usually cold.”
The waitress says, “It comes with toast.”
I’m lowcarbing and Grandma H has a toothache so nothing hard to eat. “No toast.”
Grandma H says, “I’ll take the toast.”
“With your teeth?” I ask.
“Just bring lots of butter to soften it up,” she tells the waitress.
6) Grandma H isn’t afraid to make a mistake
We are talking about Grandma H’s teeth problems.
I say, “Mom said you had scarlet fever when you were younger.”
Grandma H says, “Two o’clock.”
“What?”
“Two.”
“When you were two?”
“Yes, when I was two years old,” she explains like I’m the ninny.
Later she tells me, “Your uncle went into the tunnel.”
“He went where?”
“The tunnel. For his back.”
“You mean the MRI machine?” I ask.
“Yeah that tunnel thing.”
7) Grandma H can joke about anything
Grandma H keeps repeatedly taking ice cubes from my glass.
I tell her, “If it falls in your cleavage, I’m not going to get it out.”
She looks at me, “I’d rather stick it in your cleavage.”
We both burst out laughing.
In celebration of the Beauty of a Women BlogFest, here’s a list of the other bloggers participating in this epic event! If you have a second, please check them out.
- Amber West: A Beautiful Stream of Consciousness – Beauty of a Woman BlogFest
- Liz: The Beauty of a Woman BlogFest
- Bill Parker: On the Multitudinous Beauties of Women
- Coleen Patrick: Service Chic vs. Soul Deep: The Beauty of a Woman BlogFest
- Barbara McDowell: Beautiful Things Blossom From Caccoons
- Kassandra Lamb (Misterio Press): You Are Beautiful and Strong, Sweet Child of Abuse
- Marcy Kennedy: What Would You Trade to Look Young Forever?
- Rebekah Loper: 2013 Beauty of a Woman Blogfest – Comfortable in My Own Skin
- Lissa Clouser: Beauty of a Woman BlogFest: Part 2—An Unlikely Role Model
- Jennette Marie Powell: Beauty of a Woman: Don’t judge us by our covers!
- Amaryllis Turman: Beauty BlogFest 2012 – What is REAL BEAUTY?
- Kathryn Chastain Treat: The Beauty of a Woman BlogFest II
- Donna Galanti: Beauty is the Place Where Love Resides
- Linda Adams: My Relationship With My Glasses
- Ellen M. Gregg: The Beauty of a Woman: Inside Out
- Audrey Kalman: I want to be like Carol Winfield even when I’m dead
- Catherine Johnson: Beauty of a Woman BlogFest and Giveaway!
- Tameri Etherton: Shakespeare Totally Knew the Beauty of a Woman
- Catherine Krummey: Beauty (tumbler)
- Jenny Hansen: Beauty of a Woman BlogFest: Do Breasts Define a Female?
- Lindsay: Chronically beautiful…
- Inion N. Mathair: Beauty of a Woman’s BlogFest
- Jennifer M. Zeiger: The Eye
- Michel King: BOAW Fest – Eye of the Beholder
- K.M. OSullivan: Beauty of a Woman BlogFest 2013: The Beauty Box
- Kate Wood: The Beauty in Me
- Sabrina Garie: Owning Your Own Beauty
- Kerry Ann: Beauty of a Woman: Beyond Skin Deep
- Kim Jorgensen Gane: The Beauty of Women Friends
- FactoryMaid: Lying in the Mirror
- Renee A. Schuls-Jacobson: The Beauty of a Grandmother
- Jess Witkins: What Makes a Woman REDHOT?
- Sue: Beauty of a Woman BlogFest: Skin Deep
- Misty Dietz: The Paradox and Beauty of a Woman
- J. Keller Ford: The Beauty of a Woman
- David N. Walker: Beauty of a Woman
- Erin/Lux: One sees clearly with the heart
- Reese Ryan: Phenomenal Woman – That’s Me
- Maggie Amanda: 30 Years of Learning About Beauty
- Lena Corazon: Beauty of a Woman Blogfest: The Power of Natural
- Subtextreadalwaysnew: Moments of Beauty
- Nicole Basaraba: Beauty of a Woman – Body Culture
- Ingrid Schaffenburg: The Beauty of a Woman BlogFest
- Clearly Kristal: Mirror, Mirror
- Kristine Erickson Parker: Woman, love thyself!
- Patricia Sands: She Walks in Beauty ~ Beauty of a Woman BlogFest
- Vivian Kirkfield: Martha Washington: America’s First First Lady
Today Grandma H and I went on our weekly outing. I needed to drop off two snail mail queries for agents at our local post office.
Grandma hates parking. She pulls in and goes “Uh-oh.”
There’s a freaking oil truck taking up four spots. Luckily there are two spots open. I point to them and say, “There’s two spots.”
Grandma pull into both spots. Literally. The middle of the car is on the line between the spots. I look at her. “I didn’t mean take two spots. You should have picked one.”
She shrugs and cuts the engine. “Just go mail your stuff.”
****
A while later, we are driving down the main road, Wolcott Road, and she sees signs that say Road Work Ahead.
“I’m not going that way,” she says.
I look down the road. “The roadwork is on the other side.”
“I don’t care.” She puts on her blinker to take Sharon Rd.
There’s a guy in front of us and we have a green light but it’s a left hand turn and there is oncoming traffic. He edges up. She edges up. He turns and she is right on his butt. I see the oncoming traffic and gasp.
“I saw them. We had enough time.”
I mutter, “We always do when it’s my side of the car.”
She says, “I’d have swerved into a car to save you.”
“Great so we’d be hit on both sides.”
She starts laughing.
As we pass a field on Sharon Road, she tells me, “A man committed suicide there 80 years ago.”
I ask, “How did he commit suicide?”
“He was having an affair with the neighbor’s wife.”
I ask, “He committed suicide while having sex?” This is a kinky story.
She shakes her head. “No, I’m telling the story from the beginning.”
“Ah. It would have helped if you said that.”
*****
We get to the mall and go to Olive Garden. There’s a line and the prices are higher than IHOP. So we go to our place, IHOP.
I order the above which is “Green Eggs and Ham” and is part of their The Lorax related specials. I loved Dr. Seuss.
So I tell her, “I’m having green eggs and ham.”
She looks at it. “So you are. That’s like the Dr. Seuss books I used to read Paulie.”
“Yup.”
“I think I read them to you too.”
*****
Grandma H has a coupon that when she spends $25, she gets 2.50 off the bill at the grocery store. So we go over. We get the items she needs but they tally to $18. So I show her Chobani yogart 4/$5.
“What flavors do they have?” she asks.
“Strawberry,” I say.
“Your aunt can’t have seeds.”
“I thought these were for you.” Strawberry is her favorite flavor. But I switch to selecting flavors for Auntie.
“What else?”
“Blueberry?”
“No.”
“Vanilla?”
“Okay.”
“Mango?”
“Okay.”
“What’s that lemon one?”
“Pineapple,” I say.
“I’ll take it.”
“Should I get another vanilla? You need four.”
“What happened to the strawberry?” she asks.
“You said Auntie couldn’t have that.”
“That’s for me. Two are for her, two are for me. And I want the strawberry.”
“Okay.” I grab it and add it to her cart. Our total comes to 24.18 after the $2.50 discount.
*****
Last weekend it was the anniversary of my grandfather’s death, we saw my aunt at the cemetery by his grave. We pulled in to see her and Grandma H was sitting in the car. Grandma H saw us and leapt out.
“Your grandfather died today. Five years ago.”
I nod.
She waves toward his gravestone. “Go Pray.”
I look at her. She knows I’m not Catholic.
She dissolves into giggles and doubles over.
My mom looks over. “What’s going on?”
Grandma H and I are giggling like kids.
“Nothing I say.”
Grandma H chuckles and gets back in the car.
