Getting Kicked in the Writing Testicles

I was so excited in May when a huge agent requested my full. I was delighted two weeks later when her assistant praised my novel and sent me two pages of editorial notes. I was determined to get to work when she said my take on the underlying issues and possible solutions seemed fine.

I spent the next 3 months revising. I incorporated all the things I’d laid out in my reply to her feedback. I felt so excited. This was the best book I’d ever written. My crit partner loved it. I loved it.

And then I sent it off last week. The waiting began, but I was relieved to have time to devote to chores and finding a part-time job. I was on a mini-break from writing. Three days later, the agent wrote me back.
I saw her email in my inbox and thought OMG, 3 days–she must like it.

WRONG.

She didn’t like it.

In fact, she listed new issues she never touched on in her previous letter and made it sound like I ignored them. No. This was the first time she ever broached the topic.

All her previous emails had exclamation points and were so positive. This one was business-like and cold.

Like I was called to the principal’s office. It was humiliating.

All the hope drained out of me.

I reached mile 25 in a marathon and was told to start all over again.

It all feels completely pointless.

Like I will never be a published writer.

Like I’m the stupidest most delusional person in the world.

Like this was the dumbest undertaking of my existence.

My stomach devours itself. My heart aches, like an invisible hand is squeezing all the blood out of it.

I’m scrambling to process this.

I had a plan to start revising my next book, but that has to be delayed. I can’t approach it with anything resembling hope. All hope has fled. And until it returns everything I do is pointless.

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91 Responses to Getting Kicked in the Writing Testicles

  1. I want to hug you right now. This really SUCKS. Please please don’t give up.

  2. Kick them right back. Find another agent and show this bunch what they missed out on as they watch your work become a massive international success. Don’t give up the dream. We all go through it and it’s the ones who don’t crumble who’ll get somewhere. Easy to say, hard to do, I know. But kick ’em right back!

    • Thanks. I’m going to wallow for a bit. I’ve almost given up several times. Eventually something kicks in and I fight back. Just not today. But I really appreciate the rallying words and knowing that I’m not alone. ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. Chin up! You’re so close and even though it seems hopeless, it isn’t! You’ve got talet and drive and it’s going to pay off. Not when you expect it to–because that would make it all too easy!–but when the time is right. When it happens, you’ll realize it happened at the right moment, whenever that moment is.

    Was it a rejection? Or was tw cold email another opportunity to revise?

    • It was a really warm request for revision and resubmit, then a backhanded rejection. It still stings. Usually when someone rejects a full from me they at least say they would love to see my next book. This one made me feel like a leper who would be shunned for eternity. The revise and resubmit is usually one step away from representation. That’s why it caught me off guard. That and I expected her to take 4-6 weeks to reply not a few days.

      I’m starting to doubt any agent will take on this book. Maybe it’s going to have to be self-published. That saddens me because I am not a marketing guru and it feels like the book is damned.

  4. Cat Forsley says:

    my sweet k xxx
    ๐Ÿ˜ฆ
    and i know you don’t wanna hear about hope at this moment ……
    but remember it’s just one agents opinion ……….
    here for you – hope u know this – all the confidence in the world in You and your writing xxxx
    love you muchly xxx
    C xo

    • I know. But there’s a list of agents who rejected it before her. And she was the only one that really seemed to get my story and love it. And then she didn’t. It’s shaken me. Thanks for still believing in me. Even when I’m struggling to. Love you very much!
      Kourtney

      • Cat Forsley says:

        K xxxxxxxx I believe in You sooooooooo much …..
        i can empathize xxx i can xxx
        i am gonna write you xo
        i love you very much xxxx VERY ……
        Never ever stop believing in You ……….. ๐Ÿ™‚ xxx LOVE YOU …………..
        C

        • Thanks Catherine. You are the best. This made me really question myself. I thought I was accustomed to rejection but this one felt so personal. Maybe because we had several email interactions and they seemed so positive. I let my hopes get up to high. So when the no came, they splattered on the pavement. But I do think I can write. I just am not so sure I can get an agent or a publisher.

          Love,
          Kourtney

          • Cat Forsley says:

            hey ! i know xx my sweet – you can self publish – you can do anything you want in the world of writing –
            i am not a wise Cat at all – i just learn by doing xxx u know xx Just keep doing what You love xxx
            maybe – just maybe this is a total blessing in disguise –
            i have had a few of those ๐Ÿ™‚ xx
            and You put yourself out there – That’s amazing and brave and courageous and beautiful .
            No one can ever take that away ……
            No one xxxx Hear me over there ๐Ÿ™‚ xxx
            HERE FOR YOU – like a sister xxx
            and i sent you an email – and this is a song that always makes me feel so GOOD – alive alive alive – xo
            so blast it xxx
            and may all your Dreams comes true –
            They will – maybe just in a different way than you imagined it to be ๐Ÿ™‚ Maybe ๐Ÿ™‚
            smiles forever xxx
            Cat

          • That’s very true. This is just one road that came to an end. It’s just hard to start over again. Self-publishing may be my best option. I’m going to submit to some small publishers and see what they think. I’ve gotten great feedback on the writing. I think it’s the sellability of the book. And you are a wise Cat. ๐Ÿ™‚ I hear you–maybe there is a window opening and I can’t see it yet because I’m fixated on the door slammed in face.
            And thank you for being here for me. Great song. Very inspiring. That;s very good advice about dreams coming true in ways I didn’t imagine. I’ll have to open my mind to other possibilities. ๐Ÿ™‚

            Hugs,
            Kourtney

          • Cat Forsley says:

            Hugggs always and always xxx ๐Ÿ™‚ C

          • Hugs back! ๐Ÿ™‚

          • Cat Forsley says:

            I feel them ๐Ÿ™‚ xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

  5. Jenny says:

    Oh, Kourtney. My heart breaks for you. That so sucks. My advice: take a break from this particular piece and work on something else. Give this time to percolate. Maybe scout out a new agent. Perhaps look at a small publisher. There are lots out there with good track records (Evernight, Entangled, J. Taylor Publishing, to name a few). Don’t give up. You’ll get there. This is just a bump in the road.

    • Thanks Jenny. I love this book. I love this revision. I’m usually not confident that something is amazing and this time I actually thought I nailed it. Such a massive disconnect between what I see and she sees. I’m not sure who’s wrong. I really hope it’s not me. Good advice about the small publishers. I haven’t submitted to publishers yet. Maybe I need to get their take on the book. Just feel like I hit a speed bump at 50 miles an hour. But your right, it’s only that horrible in my head. ๐Ÿ™‚

  6. winsomebella says:

    Here’s hoping “hope” and that kind and loving inner voice return quickly. Take care.

    • Thanks. The lack of hope is the worst thing. I couldn’t motivate to fight back. I couldn’t see anything good down the road. I didn’t fight it. I’ve learned I have to go with the low to get back up again. ๐Ÿ™‚

  7. Running from Hell with El says:

    If you want someone to give your book a once-over, please feel free to shoot it to me. My e-mail is farrisburke@cox.net. Or send it to another writer you really respect. Get another opinion.

    Listen to me: there are a million agents out there. And there are a million different reasons for why this agent acted the way she did. Seriously! She is just ONE person. One. This is your book! Your baby. And screw the people who don’t like it. Screw ’em.

    Take heart Kourtney. It’s going to be okay. It really is. xoxo ~el

    • Thanks ,El. My crit partner read my first 40 pages and thought it was fantastic. She read the agent’s requested changes and thought I nailed them too. She’s been an absolute rock. She swears the agent is just wrong. And I guess that can happen. We think the agent had a very specific idea of how the opening should be and even though she told me my idea was fine, deep down she really only saw it one way. At least that gives me some comfort. Thanks for the perspective. She is just one person. One person that really counted to me, but I have to discount now.

      Hugs,
      Kourtney

  8. It’s like the shuttle going to the spacestation: all the cheers and glorious energy, then suddenly the big rockets fall off and the ship starts drifting in open space – the next workhorse rockets must kick in or it will drift forever….but they do and mission control can breath again and the ship finally docks…maybe with a glitch or two, but those are managed.
    Everyone has a bad day – even agents – sounds like she is processing upsetting/disturbing news and it’s affecting her communications with others. (it could be personal problems or business concerns, you’ll never know.She may know an industry direction you don’t) If you trust her judgement and think comments valid, address issue. But sometimes people are flaky…
    Drift a bit outside, then decide which rocket to start up.
    It’s OK. You are OK. This is normal ( if anything in publishing is “normal”)

    • It’s weird, she gave me six concerns to address. I followed up with an email stating the concerns (to make sure I got them) and my proposed solutions. She said they looked fine, but it’s my book so I have to trust myself. I made extensive revisions. As I worked, I referred back to that email countless times to make sure I hit on her issues. Then she told me I didn’t speak to her concerns and added a brand new thing that bothered her that we never spoke about. It was a complete communication breakdown. And at first I thought it was me, but I really don’t think I messed this up. I think it was her. She had a specific idea of what she wanted and refused to tell me what were dealbreakers and what she didn’t want done.

      A really apt description of where I am right now. Drifting and waiting for a rocket to start up and propel me where I need to be. ๐Ÿ™‚

      • Doing some creative work once and sent it for review and OK – it came back with a bunch of requested revisions…so made all those changes and resent…only to get back a critique that once again found “concerns” and made “suggestions” – which was irritating since the “suggestions” took it all back to the way the piece was to start with. (She was having personal/ego in the office “issues” I found out later from another source…and being difficult with everyone)
        Go with your gut..it’s probably not you. Hang in there – this is the tough part.

        • Thanks, Karen. What you went through sounds terrible. It’s weird how unprofessional people can be. I think there should be a 3 day rule on sending out bad news to someone. Just so you have time to consider the impact of your words and re-evaluate what you’re doing. I have very little tolerance for people like that. I had a herniated disk with crippling nerve pain for almost a year. There were times I was crying on the floor in my office at work. But I never fired off a nasty email to anyone I worked with. I understood that my pain was mine and no one else’s to deal with.

          Definitely a tough part. But I am thinking that self publishing is going to be the end result with this book. I will try publishers and agents and then learn as much as I can about the self-publishing world.

  9. Oh, Kourtney… My heart goes out to you. That gut-punch (testicle-punch) is something you just have to feel and can’t explain away. Here’s a hug to help out (and go have some chocolate or a martini or take a walk or whatever is your coping mechanism of choice).

    AND, when the feeling has receded a little bit, let your brain step in. You KNOW this is your best work ever. You KNOW it’s worthy. The agent and assistant have their own agenda, their own blinders, their own world view. If they can’t see what you see–time to move on.

    I hope you can figure a way to get past this and back to writing. That’s what’s important.

    • Thanks Audrey. Hugs back. I really do believe in this novel. And I think the revised version is 10x better than the previous one. My two beta readers loved it. And I trust them.

      I’ve been able to work on the agent list for my next book. I still have a little hope that someone will like that. Though I’m going to make the list super long given my previous experience. I can’t work on revising it yet, but I can do some prep work so I don’t lose too much time to wallowing. ๐Ÿ™‚

  10. CC MacKenzie says:

    Bugger it. You’re the third writer in a week this has happened to. Whisky Tango Foxtrot. Honey, the world is changing in publishing so fast that reality is hitting agents hard imho. My friends were asked to consider going indie to find their audience, sell well and then the agent might be able to place them with a publisher.

    I’m sending you a BIG HUG because where you are now is utterly gut wrenching. BUT this too shall pass, you will feel better and follow your own instincts about YOUR book. We cannot write by committee. Your friend who’s read the work knows how you tick and what’s good and strong. Consider sending the finished work to a couple of avid readers of the genre who are not writers or emotionally invested and get their feedback because they’re the ones that matter at the end of the day.

    And the only person you can count on, my darling, is yourself and your creativity and your craft.

    There is nothing you cannot do, Kourtney.

    • Thanks CC. I am glad to hear this is not just me. I am sad for your friends though. I am going to explore small publishers and if nothing happens in 6 months I am going to have to learn to market myself and explore self publishing. I don’t feel there is a stigma there. It’s just that I am not the most charismatic or marketing guru person. I feel like I couldn’t do the book as much justice if all the marketing was on me. But then again it really stinks to have spent 2 years on something and not have readers out there in the world.

  11. Janet says:

    You’ve made it this far so don’t give up.

  12. I know you’ll come out of this more brilliant and strong than ever. That woman angers me. *Pauses to grumble like an angry coyote* But the best “revenge” is showing her how awesome you and your work are.

    Go Kourtney! I’m cheering for you all the way.

  13. klynwurth says:

    Kourtney…what a nightmare. I’d be busted up over it, three boxes of Kleenex deep, and here you are already, talking it through and sounding relatively sane. ๐Ÿ˜‰ I LOVE the grumbling, angry coyote image…you just take some time to howl, to be angry. It sounds like something happened with that agent, beyond the value of your book or your revisions–something that says more about her than it does about you. A mystery, yes, a sucky mystery, in fact. But your novel is stronger now. You’re stronger now. When you’re ready, you’ll get going again. It’s who you are. Writerlove…

    • My crit partner, my parents and my amazing blog readers have really helped. The outpouring of support and cheering onward is amazing and heart nourishing. I definitely felt the angry coyote. Hoping to move to feral coyote and take action with queries again. It was a weird turn. I felt like we had a complete disconnect on the actual revisions. I did everything I said I’d do. But I don’t think that was what she really wanted. I only wish she had laid out her dealbreakers before I did the revisions. That door is permanently closed. So I’m going to stop slamming my head against it. ๐Ÿ™‚

      I did revise something that several critiquers and the ABNA Publishers Weekly reviewer had issues with, so that is a win. I do believe the book is much stronger and better for it. I really did appreciate the notes and the opportunity to revise. I just wish it had ended differently.

  14. Carrie Rubin says:

    Oh, Kourtney, I’m so sorry to hear that. Nothing I can say will ease that tight, sick knot in your belly, but just remember, there are many successfully published authors out there who were once in your shoes and experienced much the same thing. Hang in there.

    • Thanks Carrie. I keep reminding myself Laurell K Hamilton had over 200 rejections before her Anita Blake book sold and became a NYT bestselling series. Not that I compare myself to her writing, but it helps to know someone so successful had a really dark time too. It was like Amazon all over again. Advancing several rounds and then not. My hopes grew with each round and I don’t know that it was a mistake but next time I’ll be more cautious with my expectations.

  15. zelmare says:

    No, no, no!!!!! Don’t feel so dejected!!!! I know. It’s easy to say, but your heart has been ripped out. I once had a book rejected, and it was horrible, so I just gave up. Don’t. Please. Just work through the changes they want. Again. And then, if they still don’t like it, send it someone else, and screw them. Good luck!

    • They don’t want any more changes. They said I didn’t make the changes they wanted despite my extensive revisions. It was the weirdest rejection ever. I am seriously perplexed by it. I don’t know what I could have done differently or how I could have done more. It’s one of those things that is so frustrating because you blame yourself but then you start to realize you didn’t screw up. I will get going on sending it out again because I really do think the book deserves better. It’s just going to take me a little time to regroup. ๐Ÿ™‚ Thanks for marshalling me forward. ๐Ÿ™‚

  16. 4amWriter says:

    Ugh, I feel awful for you Kourtney. I hate that feeling of being so close and then having it taken away like that. I’m angry at that agent, because she needs to take more responsibility for her suggestions that led you to the revisions you made. She should not have just dropped you cold like that, not when it is soooo obvious that you are willing to make it the best book you can. There are so many writers out there who just automatically turn to self-publishing when things get rough, and you have stuck with the traditional route all along. That really should say something to these agents. I don’t understand how they can’t pick ’em anymore.

    Still rootin’ for ya.

    • I kept reminding myself I never truly had it, but ugh it felt so close. I researched how to deal with requests for revisions before I did anything. I thought confirming my interpretation and stating what I would do would prevent this from happening. Guess nothing is fool proof. I really wanted to know I was putting the best book out there and I feared self-pubbing might be a gut reaction and not a willingness to revise when needed. But I’m reaching the point where I see that self-pubbing done right is a valid option. It’s definitely something to think about more seriously now.

      Thanks Kathryn. ๐Ÿ™‚

  17. Oh Kourtney. What a crappy thing to happen, especially when you were so careful about everything. All it tells me is that the problem is not with you but with the agent, and maybe you are better off without this particular one. You deserve to wallow a bit, and cry if you need to, but whatever you do, don’t give up hope. Take stock, be grateful for what you’ve learned and for the revision the agent requested that helped make your book stronger, then go get ’em.

    You are not stupid or delusional. Your book is not a dumb undertaking. Those words are the hurt and rejection talking. Your deeper self knows this, I’m sure. You will be a published writer someday, I am also sure. I’ve only ever read your Amazon submission–it’s still on my Kindle, even. I. Loved. It. And I am a huge reader. You are a good writer, a good storyteller, and don’t let any stupid, thoughtless, evil agent make you feel differently.

    If I knew how to embed a picture in one of these comments, I would send you some virtual chocolate chip cookies. Or maybe ice cream. No, I’d send you both, and definitely hugs to go with them. Hang in there, kiddo.

    • I took my time processing her original feedback and formulating a plan of attack. I thought running it by her would be a pretty good way to avoid what has happened. My first instinct is to blame myself, but I really don’t think it was all on me. This is the same book that was in the Amazon contest. I revised it to have the wife’s POV alternate with the husband’s throughout the book. I felt like this was such a powerful move. But the agent didn’t think I did it well or right. Maybe I am wrong. Maybe she is wrong. Something in my gut swears the book is better than before though.

      LOL. Funny you should mention that. I went on a bad eating bender where I consumer two dozen chocolate chip cookies and a dozen snack size bags of cheetos, fritos, and doritos. ๐Ÿ™‚ I will take the hug for sure!

  18. Elliot says:

    I feel bad for you. Give yourself a week away from it, then review it again. There are many successful writers who faced rejection early on and some harsh lessons. You just need to ask yourself if you are willing to take them and move on, and I’m sure you know the answer. Perhaps you can contact the person for more info and argue any points you disagree with, she may not be correct on everything.

    • Thanks Elliot. Time will definitely help. I wanted to capture how I felt at the moment of impact because I want to really document my writer journey here. I will be okay. It just doesn’t feel like that right now. I really don’t think she could or would provide more insight. I did what I said I would do. She felt it wasn’t what she wanted done. That’s a serious disconnect. I will try to revisit what she said in a couple weeks to see if there is anything I can take away from it. ๐Ÿ™‚

  19. Subtlekate says:

    I really didn’t want to hit like, Kourtney, but I did it in support, because I hate what has happened to you, I don’t like it at all. This is a very confusing message she is sending you. In this kind of situation we need consistency, and this seems anything but. I want to open and bottle of wine with you and encourage you to press on.

    • Thanks Kate. When I got the revise and resubmit, I devoured posts on what to do and how to handle it. I took my time replying. I thought I did everything right. But sometimes it doesn’t count. You do your best and someone still blows you away. I’ve learned to be more cautious with anyone who says they love my book. Thanks for being on my side. I would love to open a couple bottles and throw on a horror movie. And just pretend away the past few days.

  20. jmmcdowell says:

    Oh, Kourtney, that just totally sucks. But I completely agree with the others above who have a problem with that agent’s second response. As PMOTH said, maybe something’s going on in her life right now that led to a brain freeze in professionalism. But if she truly feels whatever is in her head is what you should do, then she doesn’t sound like a good person to have in your corner. Someone who runs hot then cold? Which one would show up to represent you to an acquisition’s editor?

    There is no ONE right way to tell a story. It can be taken in a number of directions, and all of them can be good and find an audience. The right agent should know this.

    Take time to rant, vent, curse, cry, and whatever else you need to do. Then trust your gut instincts. Check out the good small presses. Consider an agent like April Eberhardt, who left Kimberley Cameron’s agency and started her own designed for the changing publishing world. Part of what she offers is help with finding the right publication venue as well as going independent.

    And keep writing. Your success in the Amazon contest shows you are a damn good writer. I’m sure I’m not alone here in saying that I’m looking forward to reading this book!

    • It does JM. It really does. Thanks for your support though. The blog has brightened up a very bad few days. I agree, I don’t want Mr. Hyde representing me when I signed up with Dr. Jekyll. ๐Ÿ˜‰

      I think there was something very specific she envisioned that she didn’t explain to me. Or that she should have said was a dealbreaker for her.

      I’ve been doing all those things. I am going to find small presses, if you know of any please let me know. ๐Ÿ™‚ I met April at Writer’s Digest Conference in January and pitched her. She liked my idea but referred me to a few other agents. Maybe I’ll see if she can help with going independent?

      I’m taking a small writing break. It was planned to give me a rest between revisions. I’m hoping to start the next book’s revisions in late October/Early November. Aw thanks. I hope so. I cling to those reviews when the bad things happen. ๐Ÿ™‚ And thank you so much!

  21. EllaDee says:

    Remember this – it’s not you. It’s her. After you get over being wounded, ask yourself a question, do you really want this unprofessional person representing you? No. Remember the Tupac Shakur quote? It applies in a multitude of circumstances, and this one qualifies… โ€œYou can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could’ve, would’ve happened… or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on.โ€

  22. Coleen Patrick says:

    That just sucks, along with not making any sense. Don’t give up Kourtney! Virtual hugs–hope you can rally soon.

  23. writlady says:

    Big hugs for you Kourtney. I am so sorry you have to go through this. there is nothing to say. she changed her mind. It’s not right, nor is it fair, but it is what you’re trying to process.

    After 10 years of this process, I gave up. Quit writing for 3 years and found other things I loved to do. But eventually I came back and found it’s a different world. Take a few days to process, be gentle with yourself and know that if this book is as good as you can make it then it’s a great book – just not for her right now.

    and go to work on another book. hugs, sweetie. take care

    • Hugs back Louise. I have to remember nothing is final until someone signs a contract and even then contracts are broken.

      It’s rough. I may go the self-pub route. I love this book. And these revisions were some of the best writing of my life. So I am going to stand by the book. Despite what she said.

      I’ll try some more traditional routes and then I’ll make my own darn book. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  24. Samir says:

    Patience, patience, patience. It’s gonna be alright. Don’t build up high expectations… You’ve come this far but the last mile is the hardest – and you’re there now. Just take it easy and measure it out. After a few days, when the turmoil settles, remember that you still have a shot at getting the ms published.

    It might help to do some reading in between bursts of activity on the ms – maybe something of a different genre or format from what you usually read. It works for me because then I see my work with fresh eyes every time I feel stuck or too close to the material.

    I hope it all works out in the end ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Thanks Samir. Unfortunately, I am no closer to being published than I was a year ago. Sure I’ve made revisions and sent out lots of queries. But I’m still in the cold query stage again. It’s hard not to have expectations when you go through a few rounds with an agent. Usually the revise and resubmit is the cusp of representation.

      I’ve been working on querying and compiling new agents and editors to submit to. I’ve been reading books too. I’m going to delay revisions on the next book until November. I’m just not ready to tackle those yet. But I’m pushing forward. ๐Ÿ™‚

      Me too. Though I may end up self publishing. And that’s okay. It’s not how I saw this journey going but sometimes life has other plans. ๐Ÿ™‚

  25. Jonesingafter40 says:

    Kourtney, I’m so sorry you’ve had such a heartbreaking experience. Don’t give up on it. Take some time to process everything and keep moving forward!

    • Thanks. Your support really helps. ๐Ÿ™‚ I’m moving forward. New queries are sent out. So I have possibilities. And I’m seriously considering the self-publishing option. ๐Ÿ™‚

  26. yeah, it is a kick in the guts no matter how you try to rationalise it. But it’s just one agent. And all great authors get their worked trashed by people of no taste! So cheer up Kourtney, fame is waiting for you.

    • That is very true. It’s just that I really started to value and believe in her. A rejection from a stranger is so much easier than someone you think really gets your book. And we clearly had different ideas of how the book should be. So here we go again. ๐Ÿ™‚

  27. I’m so sorry Kourtney. Don’t panic, maybe she was having a bad day and unfortunately you got the brunt of it? Don’t give up. You’re an amazing writer, we’re all behind you! Beth x

    • Maybe. Or she didn’t tell me something that she had in her head as pertinent to the revision. Either way it stinks. But after a few days, there is nothing to do but get some queries out there and test this new draft. Thanks so much for your support! It helps tremendously to not be alone and have people cheering me on. ๐Ÿ™‚

  28. jbw0123 says:

    Wow! Look at all of the above love. See? You’ve got it. Pooh on the editor. Her toddler probably threw up in the car that morning, and her mother-in-law probably told her she isn’t good enough for her son.

    Set that puppy aside. Work on your new project and when your spirits recover, have another look at it with fresh eyes. We’re gunning for you, so how can you lose?

    • I know. I was blown away by all the amazing comments! I’m going to query on it and see if it’s just her. I can’t see anything else that needs fixing which is usually a good time to query and test it out. ๐Ÿ™‚

  29. Story Addict says:

    That does suck, but don’t be so hard on yourself. Every author faces critique and criticism that’s gotta be addressed. If they give you the cold shoulder, just be super pro about it, like you know what you’re doing. A lot of the time I noticed before I’d get nailed for something and it may not have been my fault, and I’d just swallow it! Now, if someone says something, I pause for a second and then say: hold on, that’s not how it is. Here are the facts. Not that I don’t have to work on this anymore, I’ve got plenty of room to grow, but don’t let it get to you! I’m glad you’re gonna keep querying, you will most definitely get published! Sometimes an agent might just not be right for your project, and it deserves better.

    • Thanks for your support and invigorating words. You are very right. I always stay silent to be polite and professional. And I did here too. It just rippled through me internally. I think the biggest problem was that she blamed me for something I didn’t do wrong. I’m the first to admit when I screw up. But this time I didn’t. That bothered me more than the rejection. But she is just one person and she clearly wasn’t the right person for my book. And maybe there isn’t a right agent. Because maybe this isn’t a book that can attract one. Maybe it’s a cool small press or I indie pub it on Kindle. I’m opening up to new ideas of what success in publishing is to me and to this book. ๐Ÿ™‚

  30. Ottabelle says:

    It’s never pointless. You have to keep going.

  31. Oh Kourtney, don’t give up! You’ve got more than a foot in the door, and they wouldn’t be bothering with the notes if they didn’t see real, glittering, money-making, publishable stuff! It WILL happen, I believe in you a million percent. I just noticed your reply to the response above mine, that you’re moving forward again- I’m so glad! Go, Kourtney, go!

    • Thanks Anne. I hate that moment when you have to put aside one book to focus on the next. I know it’s not permanent, but it feels like I let the book down. I know I’ll come back to it in a few months, but for now it’s going to sit and gather dust. That’s true. That book almost got an agent. And that is something.

      Maybe this new manuscript will be the one that sells. Maybe not. All I can do is make it the best book I can and see what happens.

      And all this revising is making me a better writer so if/when I do self pub at least it will be my best work. ๐Ÿ™‚

  32. berry says:

    You are allowed to grieve. Take some time. Get angry cry and reach acceptance and move on.

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